How to Cope with Struggles

I just got back from a Raw Reflection Retreat. I only spent one day there, and in that day I got to meet some beautiful and inspiring people. I got to learn more about some people that I already knew. I got to learn more about myself, too.

Among moments of joy and laughter, people also shared stories, challenges, and difficult experiences.

And it made me think about life struggles.

You know what I mean.

Sometimes we feel frustrated, or angry, or sad, or lonely, or stressed, or confused or unsatisfied, or jealous, or envious, or tired, or sick.

When you want something that you don’t have, when you have something that you don’t want.

When someone says something that you didn’t like hearing.

When someone did something that you didn’t want them to do OR when someone didn’t do what you DID want them to do.

Listening to the news you might think the world is a horrible place to live in, so it’s only natural that we feel down every now and then.

The truth is, most people on the face of the earth are experiencing bad days every now and then. Me included!

So the question is – how to cope? How do we move on? How to see light at the end of the tunnel?

There are so many guidelines and techniques and approaches.

Some techniques are based on focusing your attention away from the problem: these will mostly give advices such as go out, see friends, take a calming bath, go for a run, imagine how you feel once you conquered the battle. Or in short - do something that will shift your awareness into something that will create positive feelings.

Other techniques give the opposite advice: dwell into your harsh reality and solve it - by seeing a professional that can give you insights, or maybe by meditating upon the problem until it’s dissolved.

There is a common thread between the approaches, though. In all of them you need to be AWARE that you are facing a difficulty, and AWARE that you have some degree of control about what you feel and think.

You need to realise that no matter what the external situation is, you always have a choice.

You need to realise that the external situation is neither good or bad, and what makes it good or bad is merely your perception, reflected by the sensations in your body that give rise to thoughts and feelings, that in turn, govern your state of being.

Struggles arise whenever we don’t pay attention: when a negative feeling (or thought, or both) comes up, and we start believing it, until it controls us. This is where the struggle begins.

If, instead, we simply allow the negative feeling/thought to be exactly what it is – just a negative feeling/thought, then we don’t have to struggle. We can observe it when it arises, and then CHOOSE one of the many techniques of coping, as mentioned above.

But how do we become aware?

How do we break that cycle of getting sucked into the anger/sadness/stress etc?

This is probably the biggest challenge, and there’s only one solution. Practice.

Make a conscious decision to learn and develop your awareness levels. Try a few different methods until you find something that works for you. Smile with forgiveness every time you realise it didn’t work, and smile with satisfaction every time it does work.

Struggles will probably accompany you most of your life – however, with practice, you might be able to deal with them better.

And if you wonder every now and then – why is it that I have to struggle? Why can’t everything be simply perfect all of the time?

I wanted to quote a question and the answer to it, as given by Esther Hicks on one of her “Law of Attraction” seminars:

Q: Why do dogs risk getting bugs in their eyes, sticking their heads out of car windows?

A: Because the contrast of the bugs in the eye is a small price to pay for the exhilaration of that ride. And it is exactly the same way you felt when you made the decision to come into this physical existence. It’s exactly the way you felt when you knew there would be contrast and you said: "the ride is going to be worth it".

Comments

[christie]

i love that quote about the dog :)

[Michelle]

Love this blog! We all needed to be reminded of this every now and then.. and let's face it... Baths dont always work! I'm so the dog with its head out the window ;oD