Where Did I Disappear To?
Monday, April 11, 2011 at 6:09AM I'm away.
Inside myself.
Spending most of my time lately reflecting and studying. Carefully watching my thoughts. Examining my belief systems and questioning the perceptions that create my reality.
I'm finding there is shame in me for not DOING anything productive. Where most of the people I know are extremely busy and active, using their time effectively to improve their lives and/or the world they're living in, I can see how I allow myself to relax and do nothing. I lost my motivation and it's nowhere to be found... Or maybe I'm just lazy and I don't want to find it?
I'm not trying to achieve anything.
I'm not trying to become anything.
I'm not trying to create anything.
The only thing that seems important to me right now is the integrity of my enquiry of truth.
Not sure if I'll ever experience an ultimate reality which is beyond perception, I am making an effort to live within conscious. I'm training myself to remain aware through any situation. What I do is not relevant right now, it's only HOW I do it.
Maybe it's just another temporary phase in my ever-changing life. Maybe I would like to continue this for a long period of time. That's it for now.
Reader Comments (4)
changing maya... everythings perfect :) x
Oh my Gosh Maya - I'm feeling the EXACT same way - though you seem to be much more serene about it all than I am...I almost wept when I read your post...I don't know if I'll ever be able to join the human race again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to find a place here for me. There's nothing I want to do or achieve or have - other than a roof over my head and some fruit and veg to eat - and even then, I wonder how much I really want even those, given that I don't seem to be prepared to do much to get them. All my life up until a couple of years ago I'd been a workaholic. Now it seems to be impossible to contemplate what kind of role I could play within all that surrounds me...
Much love...
Maybe this is our journey that started with raw food which then provoked thoughts out of our normal daily patterns? And once out, would not go back....
I too, am feeling a bit lost, the weight of the world on my shoulders. I need a filter so that the HUGE things that corrupt and pollute do not affect me. That way I can focus on the small beautiful things in my life.
A roof over my head, fruit and veg sound very serene.
I love that you are seeking the truth, which is indeed found in that space of nothingness.
From that space there can then again be doing, or at least that is my experience :) I have come back to sharing Hemp Foods (hemp seeds and hemp oil) as the universe has shown me this is the way - it flows soooo easily!
Love and light